Our American way
of life is being assailed on two fronts, from two different and equally destructive
acting out behaviors. The first is the impact of mass killings on the lives,
families and friends of those who have been attacked. The second is the abuse
of women by predatory men.
These are two
areas of behavior that destroy and wound our society and they both happen on a
daily basis. Killing and wounding the body with bullets, in ways, is no more
destructive than the killing and wounding of the sense of security and sense of
one’s self worth through sexual assault.
The question
becomes, what can be done to correct these destructive behaviors in our society? How can we remove these cancers from our
societal body?
ü The fact that we know and acknowledge that these destructive forces exist is a
beginning.
ü Acknowledging the basis for their creation is a second step toward healing.
ü People sharing
their truth about the impact that such hostile acts have had on their lives
is the third needed step to take.
ü To create
an educational program that provides support and educates
our children about needs, feelings, how to communicate with others is an
essential fourth step to take in this healing process. Such a program will also
help to develop our children’s capacity
for empathy that needs to take place to eliminate these violations of bodies
and souls in our society.
Today, women are
being empowered to speak out about their experiences of being violated by a
man’s hostility toward them. These women are openly risking retribution, and
are stating the truth of their experiences with men who have abused their power
in the work place and in the family.
The question needs
to be asked, why do people kill and abuse other people? We need to accept the fact that individuals,
men in particular, who have killed and wounded hundreds of people were angry, acting out individuals. In the same way,
we need to acknowledge that men who are sexual predators, are angry acting out individuals who have issues
of resentment specifically towards women.
People become
angry because they are feeling emotional pain.
They hurt because some essential need for loving attachment, acknowledgment
and security has gone unmet. Their anger is a means of
protecting themselves from their hurt.
It is also a way to lash out against and punish those who these
individuals feel are responsible for causing their pain. Mass killers, who are
predominantly men, and those who force themselves on to women come from this
background of the lack of emotional attachment, acknowledgment and security
during their formative years.
It has been said
that we need a ‘long term’ societal solution to these two ways of violating
members of our communities. There is
such a solution. It is a solution that has
the potential to totally transform the culture that has allowed for mass
killings and the abuse of women over the course of our history.
What is this solution? It is the commitment to create, develop, and implement
a Life Issues and Life Skills Curriculum in our public schools that begins in
preschool and extends through the 12th grade. It is a program that
will be required, its funding will be guaranteed, and it will be on an equal
footing with other essential aspects of the school curriculum such as reading, math, English,
history.
A Life Issues and Life Skills Curriculum is one
where children learn about their needs and feelings, about how to listen, and to be
present with someone else. It is about
how to develop empathy, to be able to non-violently communicate with their
classmates.
In this curriculum children learn how to
acknowledge themselves and one another and how to cooperate and work with one
another. They learn how to consciously problem-solve life issues as well as,
internal issues and conflicts. They would learn that there are others that they
can turn to in times of difficulty and suffering. How many lives do you suppose
would have been saved if such a program were an ongoing part of our public
school culture?
This education process will take time, money and
planning to accomplish the laying of a societal foundation for our children to
learn essential life skills. Skills that will allow them to connect with how
they are feeling and provide an option to acting out anger against others. A supportive aspect to this education
experience will require a public health component to be created and implemented
utilizing media platforms to reach those who are beyond their school age
experience. In addition to funding for the establishment, implementation and
maintenance of such a Life Skills Curriculum, funding for mental health support
services need to be made a priority. The old notion that mental health services
cannot prevent mass shooting, so to cut funding doesn’t matter, is not true and
is out of the question.
In the adult world there are immediate steps
that we can take to make mass killings and the abuse of women end. We simply
need to take those steps, now.
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