Our Need to Feel Cared For, Worthwhile and Safe as an Antidote to Shooting Others

The recent Sandy Hook tragedy brings tears to my eyes each time I think about what happened.  The idea of little people being shot to death while attending school is difficult to fully comprehend and impossible to accept.

The death of school psychologist Mary Sherlach also really hit home for me.  I served as a school psychologist in East Oakland schools for 17 years. 8 of those years were spent working full time at Castlemont High School.  Before it became a closed campus, I might have routinely encountered an armed, parole violating, drug dealer walking the corridors of the school.  On any given day, I could have been Mary Sherlach

Now we are hearing about what should be done to prevent such an event from ever happening again. Gun regulation is a favorite and ready solution to the wanton killing of innocent victims.  California’s gun regulations have been in place for years and are the model for comprehensive regulating of gun sales, background checks, waiting periods, number of fire arms to be purchased at a time, gun handling safety and gun storage safety measures. If there was a uniform adoption of California’s regulations throughout the country, that part of what needs to be done would be in place. It should be pointed out, however, that research gives evidence that such efforts are inconclusive in having an impact on reducing fire arm deaths. The guns used at Sunny Hook were all legally purchased fire arms.

Mental health services are also referenced as a needed adjunct to preventing such a horrific event from ever taking place, again. The fact that funding for mental services is being cut compromises the effectiveness of this option. 

Still another essential approach to dealing with the causes of people killing people is often over looked. What am I talking about?  All of us need to feel loved, cared for, worthwhile and kept from harm.  As children, through the acknowledgement and support of those who guide us, we develop the ability to trust others, develop a sense of autonomy and initiative.  Without such support, we develop a sense of mistrust, shame, doubt, guilt and inferiority.  Our anxieties, anger, depression, sense of resentment and hopelessness result from when our needs to be cared for, cherished and kept from harm have not been met. 

 Every one of those individuals who resorted to killing others had basic needs that had not been met.  It would be my bet that those who resist the regulation of guns feel so strongly because their need for security that a gun provides them with is being threatened. Somehow their development of trust that comes from being kept from harm was not met in their formative years.

What if, beginning in preschool and continuing through high school, our public schools created and implemented a Life Issues Curriculum?  In this curriculum children learn how to acknowledge one another and how to cooperate and work with one another. Children learn about feelings, about how to nonviolently talk with one another and how to listen.  Children learn that we all have needs and develop story lines to make sense out of what we experience. They learn how to consciously problem solve life issues as well as, internal and external conflicts. They learn that there are others that they can turn to in times of difficulty and suffering.

How many lives do you suppose would have been saved if such a program was a part of our public school culture?

Thanks for stopping by…

Namaste,

Jim